The Blowout

I came home from the most wild, confusing weekend of my life. In just 48 hours, I'd gone to my 20 year high school reunion, spent the night with another man, and gotten a large tattoo, all of which were planned.

Now I found myself back in my home, a home which had become a psycho ward. Jerry was half asleep on the couch. I gazed down at him with contempt. He had become a completely different person than the man I had been married to. He was fat, lazy, unmotivated, and I could not bear the thought of spending one more minute of my life with this person. For now, I would walk across the street and drink wine with the neighbors.

An hour later, I staggered back into the house, head spinning, fighting tears, and full of rage. I'd had it, going anywhere, doing anything would be better than this living hell. I called a friend and asked her to come get me. Halfway out the door, Jerry suddenly appeared out of nowhere, standing there, blocking me.

"Where are you going?", he demanded. "I'm leaving!" Was I so drunk that a sliver of time had escaped me? Before I knew it, Jerry picked me up as if I weighed no more than a 5 year old child, and threw me into the van. He drove to the park, so we could talk alone, without our children hearing our catastrophic blow out.

"What's going on with you? Talk to me!" I just kept saying, "I'm leaving!" , over and over. I'd been pushed over the edge, depression turned to mania, and then imploded into a survival mode.

"Is there someone else?" He'd always said it would be the end of us if I ever cheated on him. "YES!", I screamed. Instead of the response I expected, Jerry cried out, "It doesn't matter. I forgive you. Just don't leave!" I yelled back that I hated him, and that I was leaving- no matter what. In one swift move, Jerry flung the door of the van open, picked me up with one arm, and tossed me out to the ground. I landed with a hard thump, dazed and shaken. Immediately, Jerry pleaded with me to forgive him, and pulled me back into the van.

The next few days were a blur. Jerry left, came back. I left, came back. Neither of us really had any place to go. I couldn't go to my lover's house; his life was as much a mess as mine. I stayed, by default at first. Then slowly, day by day, week by week, I saw Jerry reverse back to the man I loved. We'd both learned the undeniable truth-that we could not live without each other. The children needed us, but more, Jerry and I needed each other.

The recovery was a long, arduous journey. In the end, we were transformed. WE began to pick up all the shattered pieces of our lives together by some miracle.

Ruby